Pathways to Eternal Marriage
In our day and age, more people are waiting longer and longer to get married with dating and courtship going out the window. This enables young couples around the world to live together without any repercussions or obligations to the other person. With this state of mind young people will be more inclined to have multiple partners and move around carefree. But this is not how our Heavenly Father wants us to live our lives and view how our relationships should progress.
The first thing that stands in the way of marriage is the idea that hanging out and hooking up are the same thing as getting to know a person. Young people are now choosing more to hang out rather than go on planned dates. Dates in the sense that the young man asks out the woman and pays for the evening out. These planned dates are becoming rarer in our day and age and with this rarity, many people are left wondering if they are a couple with how much time they spend hanging out. And because of this confusion, many people miss out on the "right" person because of confused feelings and judgments. With this in mind, we need to understand what it is that makes younger people misunderstand and misjudge the other person.
Hanging out then leads to cohabitation and the idea that living together not in the bonds of marriage. Many young people believe that this will lead to a smaller chance of divorce. Though studies have shown that cohabitation and later marriage result in more divorces than those that just get married.
But first we need to make sure that we, as potential spouses, are ready to become the right person for whomever we are supposed to marry. I remember when I was dating, people would always ask me what I was looking for in a spouse. This is another way that young couples restrict themselves in the dating age. By strictly looking for these characteristics, the young people look like they're going on a shopping spree for the greatest value with a series of ideals. What they need to do instead is become what they hope their spouse will be and they'll have a greater likelihood of finding that person.
The next thing we need to understand is the difference between love and lust. As I have looked back on my life, I realize that there were times that I was in love with the thought of being in love with that person instead of who they were as a person. Love is how we look at someone for who they really are and how they truly act when they're around us. Let's take a look at each of these and how they affect us in different ways and what effect they have on our relationships.
Love, or the ability to love, requires a combination of a sense of self-worth or personal security plus intimate regard for others. Personal security refers to a person's sense of self-importance, which involves perceptions of self-worth, the ability to regulate negative affect (i.e., depression, anxiety, or anger) and feelings of secure attachment. Without personal security, vulnerability in close relationships becomes threatening and the fear of rejection will often dictate how people behave in dating situations. Younger people are risking less and less in their relationships and finding that when they do their relationships are less fulfilling than they want them to be. So when seeking a romantic relationship it means having the courage to be open and even vulnerable to being hurt.
Lust, according to the dictionary states, "to have a very strong sexual desire for someone." Many young couples in this day and age think that lust is the same thing as lust. They come to think that when they have very strong feelings for someone, they need to stop and think about why they have these strong desires for the person that they're with. Lust tends to diminish over time and people find that the person they thought was irresistible at first becomes mediocre and boring. Love looks past a person's faults and continues to love who they are a person.
The biggest obstacle that young couples have to overcome is that of communication and the art of listening to how the other person is feeling. Jason S. Carroll has stated, "In dating relationships, when young adults do not state their true feelings or perspectives or when they lie about them, trust and intimacy cannot be developed or maintained. When the purpose of communication is to cover up, mislead, deceive, hurt, fault-find, or make someone feel guilty, relationships are damaged." This becomes evident not only in the early stages of a relationship, but can happen later on into marriage if the couple is not able to communicate properly.
When all of these things are figured out, then it will come down to when. When is a good time to get married? That is the question that many young couples have to face when they sit down and figure out their schedules and get their lives on the same track. But when is a good time? Elder Dallin H. Oaks has counseled, "Throughout your life on earth, seek diligently to fulfill the fundamental purposes of this life through the ideal family. While you may not have yet reached that ideal, do all you can through obedience and faith in the Lord to consistently draw as close to it as you are able. Let nothing dissuade you from that objective."
With these things in mind we want to make sure that we are constantly aware of how we are treating our significant other and that we are meeting their needs at the same time. If not, make sure to ask them if there is anything that you can do to improve the way that we interact and share our lives with them. With these things in mind you'll be good to go!
The first thing that stands in the way of marriage is the idea that hanging out and hooking up are the same thing as getting to know a person. Young people are now choosing more to hang out rather than go on planned dates. Dates in the sense that the young man asks out the woman and pays for the evening out. These planned dates are becoming rarer in our day and age and with this rarity, many people are left wondering if they are a couple with how much time they spend hanging out. And because of this confusion, many people miss out on the "right" person because of confused feelings and judgments. With this in mind, we need to understand what it is that makes younger people misunderstand and misjudge the other person.
Hanging out then leads to cohabitation and the idea that living together not in the bonds of marriage. Many young people believe that this will lead to a smaller chance of divorce. Though studies have shown that cohabitation and later marriage result in more divorces than those that just get married.
But first we need to make sure that we, as potential spouses, are ready to become the right person for whomever we are supposed to marry. I remember when I was dating, people would always ask me what I was looking for in a spouse. This is another way that young couples restrict themselves in the dating age. By strictly looking for these characteristics, the young people look like they're going on a shopping spree for the greatest value with a series of ideals. What they need to do instead is become what they hope their spouse will be and they'll have a greater likelihood of finding that person.
The next thing we need to understand is the difference between love and lust. As I have looked back on my life, I realize that there were times that I was in love with the thought of being in love with that person instead of who they were as a person. Love is how we look at someone for who they really are and how they truly act when they're around us. Let's take a look at each of these and how they affect us in different ways and what effect they have on our relationships.
Love, or the ability to love, requires a combination of a sense of self-worth or personal security plus intimate regard for others. Personal security refers to a person's sense of self-importance, which involves perceptions of self-worth, the ability to regulate negative affect (i.e., depression, anxiety, or anger) and feelings of secure attachment. Without personal security, vulnerability in close relationships becomes threatening and the fear of rejection will often dictate how people behave in dating situations. Younger people are risking less and less in their relationships and finding that when they do their relationships are less fulfilling than they want them to be. So when seeking a romantic relationship it means having the courage to be open and even vulnerable to being hurt.
Lust, according to the dictionary states, "to have a very strong sexual desire for someone." Many young couples in this day and age think that lust is the same thing as lust. They come to think that when they have very strong feelings for someone, they need to stop and think about why they have these strong desires for the person that they're with. Lust tends to diminish over time and people find that the person they thought was irresistible at first becomes mediocre and boring. Love looks past a person's faults and continues to love who they are a person.
The biggest obstacle that young couples have to overcome is that of communication and the art of listening to how the other person is feeling. Jason S. Carroll has stated, "In dating relationships, when young adults do not state their true feelings or perspectives or when they lie about them, trust and intimacy cannot be developed or maintained. When the purpose of communication is to cover up, mislead, deceive, hurt, fault-find, or make someone feel guilty, relationships are damaged." This becomes evident not only in the early stages of a relationship, but can happen later on into marriage if the couple is not able to communicate properly.
When all of these things are figured out, then it will come down to when. When is a good time to get married? That is the question that many young couples have to face when they sit down and figure out their schedules and get their lives on the same track. But when is a good time? Elder Dallin H. Oaks has counseled, "Throughout your life on earth, seek diligently to fulfill the fundamental purposes of this life through the ideal family. While you may not have yet reached that ideal, do all you can through obedience and faith in the Lord to consistently draw as close to it as you are able. Let nothing dissuade you from that objective."
With these things in mind we want to make sure that we are constantly aware of how we are treating our significant other and that we are meeting their needs at the same time. If not, make sure to ask them if there is anything that you can do to improve the way that we interact and share our lives with them. With these things in mind you'll be good to go!
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